Dusting off the cobwebs

We've been busy for a bit, and so what was intended to be a mere vacation turned into full-blown hiatus. But, luckily, Hogville is still running strong (or weak, to be frank), and in the past few months, a new champion of the Red-Blooded American Retard has emerged, so we return today to supply our crack analysis.

The man is known merely, and innocuously, as "MuskogeeHogFan." All this would lead you to conclude is that he hails from a dumper in Oklahoma, and that he is a backer of the most dysfunctional football program this side of Ann Arbor. Well, that, my friends, is like saying that Bob Dylan writes songs.

You see, "MuskogeeHogFan"--we're boldfacing his moniker from this point forward, because he warrants such treatment--is a busy beaver. He pores over stats and comes up with shocking, mind-bending conclusions. We won't bother (yet) to cite actual post, but you can see them for yourselves on Hogville.net, and you will learn much. For instance, you might read a five-paragraph detail on Casey Dick, and how MuskogeeHogFan, using Louisville passing statistics from 2003 to 2006, thinks that the three-year letterman, oft criticized by Hog fans, will throw for exactly 2,841 yards and 24 TDs this fall. Or you might learn that Bobby Petrino really will run the ball 43.9% of offensive snaps, and so Michael Smith and Brandon Barnett will each carry the ball at least 150 times this season and will produce roughly 93.7 rushing yards per game.

It would be enough if "MuskogeeHogFan" stopped at this point, but at the end of all his post (remember, in Lanny's honor, we use his signature, hybrid singular-plural form of that word), he gives the perfunctory, "Comments? Thoughts?" inquiry. Then, when the remainder of Hogville stays silent and/or dumbfounded for the next 15 minutes or so, "MuskogeeHogFan" will display unfettered frustration at the lack of replies. He will cajole his colleagues, "C'mon, guys, it's all in fun? Why no responses?" Then somebody will timidly come along and say, of course, that "MuskogeeHogFan" is a crack researcher, his stat-regurgitating ability is primo, and +1s shall be doled out with childlike enthusiasm.

Now, mind you, not everyone thinks that "MuskogeeHogFan" deserves high praise for his exhaustive efforts. Let's say that you don't care for his prediction that Arkansas will win eight games this fall, or that you object to his contention that London Crawford will expose SEC defensive backs this year to the tune of a league record for Yards After Catch. You might note this, and you will be scorned, because "MuskogeeHogFan" is not some dumb Okie from Muskogee. He's a real man, and he bleeds real blood. And when you question his stat-crunching, you are in for one of these stock responses: "Why do you disagree?" "Do you not think that we will throw more?" "It's a shame you have to resort to such replies." "You are too sensitive." "It's all in good fun, but I disagree with you, because my stats rock, and you are a dickface." So on and so forth.

Shortly, we will be publishing some good samples of "MuskogeeHogFan"'s Greatest Hits, but in the meantime, know that we are very pleased that this doddering gimp has given us a proper avenue by which we can return Smarter Hogville to its former glory.