Only appropriate that he's known as "Swisshog"...

...because his ongoing commentary on Hogville these days is as fraught with holes as a chunk of Swiss cheese. But, true to the ugly, unadvertised theme of Hogville, he's just another of those knuckle-draggers who just can't resist the temptation to hit the "Submit Post" button even though the end result is destined to be cringe-inducing. Case in point:

http://www.hogville.net/yabbse/index.php?topic=147542.msg2323932#msg2323932

Well to un paraphrase

i said Dmac was good before Gus got here, was great when Gus was here and this season will tell if Dmac is still good without Gus.

All you guys riding Dmac to glory may be dissapointed. I mean did you see the bowl game?

PS, I love the hogs and that is why I so desperately want Nutt gone.

There's a kind of esoteric beauty to that first "substantive" comment. Ol' swisshog correctly observed that Darren McFadden, the wunderkind supreme, was "good" before Gus Malzahn arrived in December 2005 as the Razorbacks' offensive coordinator. I'm sure Darren is relieved to have his SEC Freshman of the Year campaign validated.

He was "great" in 2006 when Malzahn was, as fate would have it, the interim OC. Again, this analysis comforts the masses, which meandered about in a state of confusion over whether the 1,600+ rushing yards, the 19 total touchdowns (14 rushing, 3 passing, 1 receiving, 1 return), and the runner-up finish in the Heisman voting truly was a great season. Where would we be without this Jim Murray-level appraisal?

The third and final component of this theorem--and I use the mathematical term because, of course, it rightly applies when a tactician like swisshog goes to work--is that this year will determine whether Darren McFadden can again be "good" without Malzahn, who left for the prestige and pomp of the co-coordinator position at the mighty University of Tulsa in January. Prognostication is simply not enough for a calculating, shrewd mind like swisshog. You can't simply say, "We'll see if D-Mac can live up to the hype in 2007!" No, friends, that would simply not suffice, because what we genuinely need to know is whether a 4.3-running, stiff-arming, badass athlete of the highest caliber can be productive even in the absence of a bespectacled puppet coordinator who left barely any imprint on the Razorback offense at all last year.

Now, for most, taxing the neurons that hard might leave nothing in the proverbial tank, but swisshog's mental acuity knows no such fatigue. After cramming as much Mensa as he could into a single, pithy sentence, he goes another step and leaves all of us to again marvel, "Look at the big brain on swisshog!" He notes that "riding" D-Mac could end in dissapointment (sic) and cites the 2007 Capital One Bowl, a/k/a The Donna Bragg Warrior Passion and Spirit Gridiron Classic, as the example. In that game, as we all painfully remember, Darren McFadden failed miserably to live up to his charge, amassing only around 90 rushing yards and netting just over five yards per carry. The weakling didn't even score on a long run early in the game! And to think that even with a lingering ankle injury, he couldn't get the job done, especially when Felix Jones was actually the recipient of the same amount of touches in that abortion of a bowl game.

Somebody later pointed out to swisshog, incidentally, that McFadden was hurt during the game. His response implied that McFadden's injury was the result, of course, of being "ridden" into the ground by an offense that leaned on him too much. Nevermind the fact that Darren McFadden threw all of nine passes last year, didn't even catch 20 balls out of the backfield, and gave up probably 75-100 carries just so Felix Jones could get the work he deserves.

But let's finish with a flourish, shall we? The postscript to this insufferable display of cranial diarrhea is the classic Hogville cause-effect proposition: my love for the Hogs explains my desire to see Houston Nutt kicked to the curb. Now, fair enough, a lot of us have said something like that before, but let's be realistic. You certainly can loathe the coach and root for the team, and be passionate about both ends. Still, what the aggressive, militant haters don't seem to understand is that Houston Dale Nutt, being a "winner and fighter" and all, really seems to entrench himself every time the fan base resists, and somehow gets mileage out of being resented.

So, by all means, let's fire off post after post about the same retread problems, sue John White, FOI the cell phone records, and flay the poor, flabby buffoon as hard as we can. Everybody's got a breaking point, right?

Smarter Hogville Analysis: Here's another novel idea--let Houston Nutt flourish or expire depending on fate* and maybe after this year, we'll all get our wish without embarrassing ourselves. If he wins big, he gets another job. If he flops, he gets fired. Either way, he's somebody else's problem in 2008. And then maybe swisshog becomes swisshornedfrog or swisstiger or swissdumbass, and he too becomes somebody else's problem next fall.

* Credit to the "Chinpokomon" episode of "South Park" for said phrase.