Monday, August 27, 2007

Sweet. Blustery. Jesus.

You know, we at Smarter Hogville came down a little hard on poor HoopHog in recent weeks. Sure, he's what kids these days would call a "ginormous toolbag," but we've got to give credit where it's due, and say that whatsshakinbacon can go toe-to-toe with Hoop when it comes to god-awfulness. Permit us to introduce Exhibit A:

http://www.hogville.net/yabbse/index.php?topic=149605.msg2352476#msg2352476

Bacon Bits – He Did It “His Way”
Volume LXX
August 23, 2007

I may be old fashioned, but I love to pop in a Frank Sinatra CD and listen to ole blue eyes belt out tunes that today’s generation would call boring and uninspiring. One of my favorites is the great standard “My Way”. In the end, Frank makes no apologies and has few regrets because he charted the course for his own life.

As we fast-forward to 2007, might we find Houston Nutt singing this tune? When this football season draws to a close, Nutt will either be standing atop a mountain or amidst the rubbish that is the result of him doing things “his way”.

Last year was obviously a painful year for Nutt. He didn’t want Malzahn on staff, and didn’t particularly want to scrap the running scheme he had grown so fond of and go to a spread offensive attack. Both fans and enemies of his coaching can agree that he was not enamored with the idea of Mitch Mustain going full bore in a no-huddle passing attack while Darren McFadden blocked for the freshman quarterback. Part of me agrees that this was a bad mix, but only because we tried to blend it with what was already in place.

The pressure to bring in Mustain, Malzahn, Williams et al must have been incredible. A state held its collective breath as the recruiting battle for the most heralded Arkansas player in a lifetime waged in Springdale. Thrown into this mix was offensive savant Gus Malzahn and a push from fans, advisors and Trustees (at least one) to do whatever it took to get him on staff.

All the while Nutt had to know the spread was antithetical to the style game he preferred, so much so that he had to slap himself to see if wasn’t in a nightmare every time he made a pitch to Mustain to join him at Arkansas. Despite hopes and dreams of Arkansas fans, Nutt had to secretly be glad to see the mass exodus in January and the return to football as he knows it.

So the awful taste of this forced offensive scheme has been spat from his mouth, and this season’s team has been purged of those players and coach who represented the change Nutt so passionately disliked. In their places Nutt has returned to his tried and true running game, including Heisman runner-up Darren McFadden and his sidekick Felix Jones, his prototypical hander-offer first, pass second quarterback in Casey (or Nathan) Dick, and what’s old is new again offensive coordinator David Lee.

But a word to the wise, Houston, be careful what you wish for. As the 2007 season dawns the realization is that you’ve now got exactly what you wanted. It may be incredibly successful, or it might fall on its face, but at least it is now set up the way you want it.

David Lee brings (again) to Arkansas his seasoned running attack. Maybe it has been refined through a stint in the NFL. I suspect we’ll see some new option wrinkles that might really work well with the cast we’ve got in the backfield. Nutt has always exclaimed that a quarterback doesn’t have to be perfect to win. It has always been more important for Nutt to have a respected leader calling the shots on the field. It’s obvious that he felt like Casey Dick was his man at the end of last year, and the circus that was Mitch Mustain is now cleared from the mechanism and we are set to go with the quarterback he started when it counted in the ’06 stretch drive.

I have gone on record predicting a 10-2 season for this Razorback team. It’s certainly that talented. After all, if you ask coach Nutt how this team stacks up to last year’s he’d tell you that offensively we’ve improved. And most of all he now is able to play his brand of football without any interference.

So Coach Nutt is now going to do it “his way”. Don’t hear me wrong. I hope we win every game. I want to see Darren McFadden lift the Sears Trophy and the Heisman Trophy in the same year. These are dreams harbored deep in the hearts of any true Razorback fan, and who coaches the team is immaterial to this desire.

In November we will be able to look back across 12 football games, and cast judgment on whether or not the season has been a good one.

Razorback Nation will lay this success or failure on the shoulders of one person - Coach Houston Dale Nutt. He has supported some of the boldest changes I’ve ever seen in college football. An offensive coordinator from a 10-2 team has taken a less than lateral move to Tulsa after he found out he would be demoted if he stayed. And a high school Parade All-American crossed the line in the sand to go to USC, along with his highly recruited teammate.

I am not lamenting that they are gone. I wish them well. But this is wholly Houston Nutt’s team now.

And Houston gets all the credit for what is about to happen. He asked for it.

Hey Houston, are you ready to take the credit?

Bacon out…

I will return to my four part Bacon Bits series to talk about the SEC projections at a later date



We try very, very hard to digest a lot of the utter bilge that flies out of that place, but this guy's product is simply too nauseating, to wit:

* He has a title, a volume number (Roman numerals make thee appear so much smarter!), and a signature for all of his posts. Put it all together and it screams "I AM A SELF-IMPORTANT ASSHOLE!!!" Let's not ignore the fact that he ends his latest treatise--and we snicker quite openly at equating his "work" with that of Professor Williston, the philosopher Descartes, or even the poet Suzanne Somers--with a plug for his upcoming ramblings about the SEC projections. Modesty, thy name is whatsshakinbacon.

* The Sinatra intro borders on being criminal, what with you talking about what you like to do with your free time, when you're not dissecting the nuances of Arkansas Razorback sports for a bunch of fellow Internerds. My guess is that Frank Sinatra would pistol-whip a gimp of your caliber if he knew you listened to his music and then used it as a thematic basis for one of your self-love exercises. That would be doing things "[his] way."

* Big words for people who love small words. If you're going to make it in this world, whatsshakinbacon, you'd best heed this advice: know your audience. Just as HoopHog likes to flex his vocab when he's not quaffing cheap vino or running shirtless around Fair Park Avenue before ballgames, you forget that you are delivering your missives to the biggest collection of soft-brained derelicts this side of the Cummins Unit. Christ, man, if you start dropping "antithetical" and "savant" on the Hogville proletariat, you're going to make a few of them not-so-smart folks pretty pissed, especially Lanny.

* He has "gone on record" with his 10-2 prediction. I am really glad that this is preserved for posterity, because Lord knows that when I flip the calendar to 2008--and I'm sure I'm not alone in this regard--I want to be able to quickly access whatsshakinbacon's prognostication so I can tell him just how awesome he is. But here's the rub: I don't need to look at "the record" (does Hogville have filing fees for those that wish to make their record?) to call him a dumbass. I can do it right here. And if the Hogs do go 10-2...well, it turns out he was a correct dumbass. Congrats.

Smarter Hogville Analysis: This is what Hogville does to presumably normal people. It makes them living, breathing icons among the rest of us mundane sports fans. You can walk into the next Hogville luncheon at Whole Hog Cafe or whatever slophouse they've gathered at and actually say, "Wow, you're whatsshakinbacon? I love your writing. Your latest 'Bacon Bits' was really insightful, man. I like the Sinatra thing, because it speaks to me. And you know what? It kind of summarizes what you do, too! You do it 'your way.' That's awesome. Will you sign my yearbook?"

Smarter H'ville out...

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've seen pathetic, but Jesu Christo, you take the cake.

Anonymous said...

You forgot to write "bacon out," asshole.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you actually had the fortitude to read that entire . . . article? rant? screed? essay?

What ever it is, you have more "patients" than I.

Anonymous said...

I beg to differ, but you haven't come down on BoogerHog nearly hard enough yet.

Anonymous said...

you forgot to note the powerful use of Houston's middle name. That is how you know ole bacon means business. Middle names are INTENSE.

Anonymous said...

whatsshakinbacon is much worse than hoophog...at least hoophog is unintentionally funny in addition to being an idiot...bacon is just an idiot...

Anonymous said...

I have met HoopHog at a practice, skinny kid who probably never played a down of ball past jr. High talking with people like he was Spurrier disecting game film...and yes, he introduced himself as Hoophog.