Rant about Arkansas fans, part 457.

Fuck these people. Did Houston Nutt really do this much damage to the psyche of our fans? Can fans not just be fans anymore?

I swear, half of the people I see posting or hear on the radio are arguing, angrily I might add, about Arkansas fans expecting to beat Georgia. A guy this morning called in and explained that we all just needed to slow down and remember that Arkansas hasn't played anyone. He asked, yelling, what has Arkansas done that we should expect them to beat Georgia? He went on to explain that Arkansas just need to take care of the ball, keep it close and try to give themselves a chance to win.

Brainwashed much, Bubba? That sure sounds familiar.

Everywhere you look, you see the "realists" saying, expect the worst! Expect the worst! They are GEORGIA, and Arkansas still hasn't done shit! We'll be lucky to be in the game! See Neal, Brent, several douchebags on Nerdville.

Is it that hard to believe that Arkansas could blow out Georgia? I don't think so. I don't know for sure that it will happen, but it is certainly possible. Hell, with Nutt as our coach and Dick at QB, we blew out a better Tennesse team (ranked 13 at the time) in Fayetteville in this same situation in 2006. Why would it not be possible now with PETRION running things, Mallett at QB, and our huge stable of WRs and RBs? Sure, the defense may have been better then, but it was the 28 first half points that ended that game.

There is nothing wrong with fans expecting Arkansas to win or even predicting them to blow Georgia out. It's healthy. But OH NOES, if they are wrong everyone will be rly disappointed!!!! So fucking what? As far as I am concerned, it's time that Arkansas fans got back to talking shit to other team's fans rather than to other Arkansas fans. Fuck those assholes. Stop arguing why Arkansas can't win and start arguing why Georgia is a bunch of pedophiles. Stop with the bullshit, "I don't know, Randy, I just can't see Arkansas blowing anybody out. I'll be happy with a 1 point win." FUCK YOU. If Arkansas is going to start being a serious team, then when you catch a lower top 25 team on your home field on primetime ESPN ... you fucking kick their ass and make them like it. I see no problem with fans expecting that. The fucking redneck, whiner pessimists need to stop trying to drag down expectations. You aren't realists, you are just bitches who are afraid of having to deal with disappointment if Arkansas loses.

It is going to suck sitting here all day at work today, and I am off to an angry start.

It's That Time of Year Again.

Football season dawns like an ass crack from a plumber's pants. Multitudes of gladiators in steamy arenas of sod and brawn break forth in a cascading display of strength and agility. Another Razorback campaign is upon us, and I humbly bequeath my ruminations to your visual senses.

Much more than bacon is shakin, my friends, as hope again permeates the soul of the Hog Nation. The king is dead, 'tis true. What seemed like but a beautiful dream last season is now concrete truth - Houston Nutt is no longer the coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks, and our wrath will be born upon the countryside of the southeast. No man, woman, nor babe shall escape the flaming sword of history's booming wrath. A history yet to be written, but still foretold in the anals of other history that has already been written - Petrion. The kicker of asses.

Like a touched cock grows, our spirit swells with pride. Our potential knows no limits and our destiny is wonderful. 22 warriors clad in their plastic armor will gather at the line of truth to face their worthy adversaries, only to emerge victorious! At least 7 times. The crushing blows of defeat will be tasted with less frequency, but the moist embrace of our adoring fans will carry them above every obstacle, for we are RAZORBACKS. And we know no fear, except that of Tebow, and we attack with humility, grace and trepidation.

My dear friends, enjoy this time of wonder. This time of unbridled enthusiasm and feminine emotion. Embrace your hate and your love and give in to the Red Side. I'll be right there with you, carrying the banner of bacon and the sword of pork.

Bacon Out

Bacon Bits, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Blather

Many moons ago in this space, we alerted you all to the presence of Hogville's resident faux-journalist, a lad by the screen name of "whatsshakinbacon" who publishes original batches of red-hot feces on Hogville under a self-designed (read: self-important) masthead and always wraps things up with the signature (read: self-indulgent) "Bacon out." As you might surmise from our tone, we think his manner of posting borders on pretentious (read: he's an assclown). But like his contemporaries, HoopHog and Co., he gives us tremendous fodder for Smarter Hogville, and it only adds to the amusement that he is perpetually in love with his own prose.

Yea, verily, he has risen from the futon in his 400 square-foot studio apartment again, and now offered the first of assuredly many columns this fall. And he is still clearly, and desperately, angling for an internship with Vogue or US Weekly. We won't wear you down with the entirety of his preseason outlook, mostly because we want you to finish reading our criticism below, so we will selectively call attention to certain highlights that may yet earn him the distinction as Hogville's most consistently annoying poste--you know what, let's not get ahead of ourselves. His exceptional observations are, in keeping with Smarter Hogville custom, highlighted in Razorback Crimson:

What a refreshing spring and summer. Once the distaste of an average football season and disappointing basketball campaign were washed away it gave us all plenty of time to turn our eyes to the future, and the hope that it brings.

Every installment of “Bacon Bits” has this sort of florid, pussified opening. “Refreshing.” “Washed away.” “Eyes to the future.” “Hope.” Just stop being such a queer, Bacon Tits. It’s unbecoming, even for Hogville. Just jump straight into the pinpoint analysis, man.

And with football squarely on the horizon it has been deafeningly quiet, especially when compared to the previous three seasons.

After limping in with an introduction so flaccid that it makes Summer of My German Soldier look like the script for “Death Wish,” Bacon Nips proceeds with his standard deployment of big words being totally misused. “Deafeningly quiet”? Pitiful. Here’s a better sentence full of big words: A fool’s endeavor to wax erudite hath meandered embarrassingly awry. For the benefit of the vacuous, that means that ol’ Bacon Shits used words all wrong and stuff, and came off lookin’ like a dumbfuck. And along those lines…

The offensive line is one year older, and matriculated in a far more diverse blocking scheme…

In the words of Kierkegaard (or maybe it was Jimmie Walker), “Man, you needs to shut the fuck up.” "Matriculated." Jesus, stop trying to sound like the poet laureate of Morrilton and just say that the OL is a-gonna be bettah. Hogville readers do NOT cotton to your uppity bullshit.

Last year coach Petrino was thinking about offensive plans two or three plays ahead of what was going on right then.

Ah, the shrewd insight of Hogville’s finest. It is without question the South’s most prominent collection of backwoods dipshit clairvoyants. MuskogeeHogFan can run numbers and produce predictions that are dead-on accurate (or not) and Whatsshakinbacon taps into the minds of our coaches like that cat from the "Scanners" movies. And then you’ve got Lord & Tyrant Supreme, Lanny, whose monosyllabic, three-word post* convey more meaning and power than the most sacred of all scripture. When I think of these three together, I imagine that kickass trio in “Superman II” that arrived on Earth in some sort of spinning bathroom mirror and immediately started levitating shit with their eyes and turning snakes into petrified wood.

But speaking of Muskogee, the oft-maligned and misunderstood prognosticator, Whatshappeninnow deftly concludes his post with an homage to Oklahoma’s most terminally bored statistician.

We won’t win the national championship in this campaign, but we will see marked improvement. We may not win the SEC West, but we will compete and win some games that are pivotal upsets in the chase. Who knows, if the right teams lose at the right places we might just be in the running.

Gonna win some games. Probably not all but some. Maybe more than last year. Hopefully. Should be. Upsets might happen, even. They will be “pivotal.” Also, if some teams lose games here and there, and we win some games, then we might just be “in the running” for something.

That’s closing with a flourish, whether you sign off with that stupid fucking “Bacon out” or not. Oh, and that reminds me...

Bacon out.....

It's been a while...

...but football season is but a proverbial eyelash away. Tim Tebow touchdown dives and leper healings are already being broadcast by ESPN in anticipation of what's to come, and our friends at Dumber (Actual) Hogville are pumping out so many inane post that even Lanny himself has to be blushing at such falderol and tomfoolery.

Like many, we at Smarter Hogville have taken a little time off to relax, recharge the batteries, and pummel the ol' penis as we envision a Bobby Petrino-led uprising in 2009. But nothing motivates us to zip up and get back to the keyboard quite like fresh statistical analysis from the great MuskogeeHogFan, who has always been the straw that stirs the drink, or if you prefer, the bag that contains the douche.

His latest offering:

http://www.hogville.net/yabbse/index.php?topic=300761.0

I just ran the numbers on the first 6 Div I games and if this is any indication(yeah, I know, all speculation at this point) of what we can expect, it is going to be one heck of an exciting season.

I used numbers for running and passing offense, avg scoring on both sides of the ball, 3rd down conversions as well as 4th down and red zone numbers also for both sides of the ball. Included were fumbles and INT's on both sides as well as total T/O Margin and then home field advantage and avg. FG's per game.

Here is how it comes out:

Georgia: 31-28 Georgia
Alabama: 28-24 Hogs(it all about how we match up)
Texas A&M: 34-24 Hogs(they are better than we thought they would be but we still win)
Auburn: 28-21 Hogs(Auburn musters just enough offense to be competitive)
Florida: 28-24 Gators
Ole Miss: 28-27 Rebels(I know this ain't gonna be popular)

That has us at 4-3(including Missouri State) going into the E. Michigan game and a good shot at winning 3 to 4 in a row in the last half. LSU may be a toss up by the time we get to that game.

The thing that excites me the most is how close I expect many of these games to be. A 3 to 4 point game could swing either way on something totally unpredictable that occurs during the game. Point is, I see us "in" every game we play and always having a chance at the end, whether we wind up winning or losing, and that really restores some confidence and sets us up nicely for 2010 and the "revenge tour" of the Razorbacks.

Immediately what stands out is the fact that MHF has "run the numbers." What numbers, you ask? Who fucking cares! THE numbers, folks. THE numbers. And they have been RUN. That's all you peons need to know, but as for myself, I like to envision MHF wearing sweatpants and a weathered Oscar Malone jersey in the kitchenette/living room/porch of his single-wide, pulling those multicolored magnetic numbers off the refrigerator, chucking them into the Hamilton Beach mixer he bought at a yard sale in Oolagah, and setting that bastard on "frappe" to see what happens.

But enough comedic embellishment--he then explains what numbers he did "run," and fortunately they have a lot of credibility! Turnover margin, field goal success rate, third down conversions...why, you can obviously extrapolate watertight results from all these figures, especially for the 2009 Arkansas Razorbacks, which last year employed a quarterback who actually looked like he might be involved in a point-shaving scandal at times and a kicker who shanked more medium-range opportunities than he ultimately deserved. Better things are expected in 2009, thankfully. Especially when you "run" the "numbers" that "MuskogeeHogFan" pulled freely from his "gaping asshole."

When you look at the scores, you notice a really shocking trend--Arkansas is going to score 28 points or give up 28 points in pretty much every game. Obviously, this will not happen in the aTm game, because it's simply ludicrous to think that we'll take our foot off the throttle against those jackoffs. We're going to put up two Tejada field goals in addition to our usual allotment of four touchdowns, and that's going to pretty much communicate just how dominant we are in that game. Also, the parenthetical commentary by MHF carries great sway here--we will beat Alabama because it's "all about how we match up" and Ole Miss will win by a single point in a game that will go down in Razorback lore as "unpopular." I suspect that in 2006, prior to his genesis on Hogville, MHF had some wickedly good notations by certain games: "USC better than expected," "Paul Eells' Ghost bails us out in Nashville," "Fish fumble! ARRGHH!!"

The LSU game will possibly be a "toss up" by the time we get to that game. I take this to mean that once we have navigated the treacherous waters of September and October, we'll go down to Baton Rouge after Thanksgiving and have a chance to either win this game against the Tigers or possibly lose it. Either way. Toss up.

At the conclusion of this dissertation--and we need to extend our courtesies to MHF for not engaging in his customary 38-paragraph handjobbery this time--he posits that this campaign will be exciting, and that we'll be "in" every ballgame. Now, the key here is to remember that we'll lose some of these games, and Hog fans do not like their teams to lose football games against other schools. But the Hog football team will also win some of these close games and that will leave the same Hog fans with very happy feelings about the on-field proceedings, at least until the next loss, at which point Hog fans will experience a diametrically different emotional state, typically anger or sadness at not scoring more points than the other team and in fact, scoring less.

But here's the rub, lest ye forget: this is the "REVENGE TOUR" of the Razorbacks. That's right, you doubting dickheads. It's time for vengeance. We are reclaiming our spot among the SEC's middle class. We're going to make everyone forget about 2008 and we're going to get back the glory of an 8-5 season in 2007 that culminated with a 31-point Cotton Bowl loss. Or the manic highs of a 10-4, Capitol One Bowl runner-up 2006 season. Revenge is a dish best served cold, and per MHF, we will be serving it up 28 glorious points at a time.

*EDITOR'S NOTE: I "ran" the numbers myself and concluded that the 2008 Razorbacks were pretty awful, and that the 2009 Razorbacks will be better. So, you know, feast on that.

MuskogeeHogFan's Sandwich Theory (WARNING: Visible Evidence of Retardation Below)

We wrote recently about a relative newcomer to the Hogville flock known as MuskogeeHogFan, and promised that we'd follow up with some of his most exceptional material. As promised:

Quote from: MuskogeeHogFan on August 09, 2008, 07:52:23 AM
The "Sandwich Game". Coaches hate these games because they are typically against teams that could be capable but may be in a bit of a down year. They are dangerous because they are situated between what you or your kids on the team may consider to be bigger games on your schedule. Let downs can and sometimes, do occur and more than one team has found themselves taking an "L" when they thought they might skate by with a "W". We have 6 of these games on our schedule this year from which we might benefit.

Alabama-The week before is a patsy, but the week after us they play at Georgia.

Florida-The week before us they play Ole Miss and the week after they have perhaps one of their two biggest games of the year against LSU.

Kentucky-The week before they play S. Carolina, the week after at Florida.

Ole Miss-The week before they are at Alabama, the week after they have Auburn.

S. Carolina-The week before they have Tennessee, the week after they are at Florida.

Miss. State-The week before they have Alabama and the week after, their annual rivalry game with Ole Miss.

I think that this helps us win at least 5 of these 6. I believe we will upset Texas. Add in our first two wins of the season and this has us at 8-1. We play Tulsa on 11/1 after they had to face Central Florida on 10/26. They have just 5 days to prepare in a shortened week between games and we will beat them as well. This brings us to 9-1. If we take a loss at Auburn(though I think they are very beatable) and we lose to LSU, this still would give us a 9-3 season. I think 8-4 is more likely, but if the "sandwich games" play in our favor, we might do better.

OK, bring it on guys. How do you think the sandwich games might help or hurt us?

This is the archetype of a Muskie post. It has all the elements: ruthless stating of the obvious, ponderous game-by-game "breakdowns," an utter paucity of logic, wild speculation that is put forth as gospel, and, of course, the customary capper--an urging for all to share their wrong, stupid opinions to the contrary.

MuskogeeHogFan's "analysis" is so mind-numbingly quixotic that he makes HoopHog (you remember him, the guy who wore a t-shirt and blazer to Acadia one night and sipped Pinot Grigio while being captured on film) seem discerning and cautious by comparison. Apparently, this dumbass believes that Arkansas, being McFadden-less, Jones-less, and Dick-ful, can lurk in the shadows, like Najeh Davenport in a dorm room closet, and then strike like a cobra...because every team will overlook us.

Here's another fallacy: when a team gets to be 8-1, as MHF projects, they are no longer viewed as a "sandwich" or a "trap." They are regarded as a top-ranked team that commands much respect. In fact, if Arkansas beats Texas and gets to 3-0, they will probably be ranked and no opposing coach will ever regard us as a "sandwich" game the rest of the season.

MuskogeeHogFan will not want to hear this. It runs sharply counter to every bit of nonsense he has authored and so, by extension, it will be dismissed as the crude ramblings of an unindoctrinated simpleton. We can't rebut that, because after all, MHF will tell you, "Hey, it's all in good fun."

Again, we do have to give credit to Hogville's teeming mass of inhumanity. While some continue to press on stubbornly (stupidly) and offer their opinions, humoring MHF, many just turn the other way. This thread, for instance, died pretty quickly, and said death aggravated MuskogeeHogFan, who usually offers a faggotly whine after about 10-12 minutes of inactivity in his threads, wondering why no one bothers to respond.

We want him to keep it up.

This guy's sources are beyond reproach

In this thread (http://www.hogville.net/yabbse/index.php?topic=235156.0), entitled "News probably already known," some poor, stupid bastard named "Dcace83" decided to offer up this regrettable post:

I recently had a best friend move to Fayetteville and his wife is a star athlete for UofA.

Anyhow they had dinner with a special someone to one of our "absolute best players."

Anyhow it was said by the "one of the absolute best players" that our offense is going to put up a bunch of points. But that the def is going to give up a bunch. More so than most probably expect. But that the offense is not getting any credit pre season and everyone will be surprised. He is a returning starter and said he is very excited about the O this year.

My thoughts are he knows what our O was like last year and for him to be excited about it this year I think speaks volumes.

Just an FYI I am not trying to be all "oh I am in the know you aren't." I could really care less I just want more hog news. I have never had sources or anything like that for the hogs. But this guy and his information is really solid.

Let us try to break this down...

Poster/retard has a friend that is married to a chick that's a jock at the UofA. For some reason this friend only recently moved to Fayetteville.

The friend and his jock-wife recently had dinner with either the wife/girlfriend/gay lover of a really good football player.

The wife/girlfriend/gay lover quotes the really good football player as saying our offense is going to be really good this season....maybe because he's really good and his teammates are really good too.

The defense..... not so much. But then the wife/girlfriend/gay lover's mate doesn't play defense. So there's the answer to that.

To the credit of the fine folks at Hogville, this guy is getting tarred and feathered for such an enormously terrible post. Then again, you can never tell what the reaction will be over there; if this guy had offered some juicy gossip about Danny Nutt being seen at a sex shop picking up buttplugs and flavored lube, everybody would eat it up like tapioca.

Return of the Mack

You may recall that we've liberally taken shots at Hogville's self-proclaimed "authors" in this space. While the great majority of the thousands of posters there are incapable of stringing together more than a few misspelled words and guttural noises, the remainder are so long-winded that their post actually increase load times on the site by a measurable amount. MuskogeeHogFan (and we promise, some of his "insight" is going to be lampooned here soon) is one of the new breed, but this trend was started by the immortal Biggus Piggus, who used to offer reams of wisdom about spring practices that he didn't even attend.

Maybe the most prolific rambler on the damnable site is Whatsshakinbacon, who does everything a self-important douche should do when littering cyberspace with his crap. Namely, he (1) pins an obnoxious graphic right at the top, (2) writes for what seems like hours on end about a topic that could be summarized in three sentences, and (3) finishes with a gross flourish and that familiar, cringe-worthy sign-off, "Bacon out."

Here's his official preseason publication, which is actually relatively short given some of the plodding, exhaustive bilge he's put out before:

http://www.hogville.net/yabbse/index.php?topic=234691.0

Mind you, this is an artisan, and even in an opus of modest length, he can still cause your eyes to roll back in your head, what with selections like these:

"Somewhere out there, you can hear it. It’s the distant rumble of thunder, the inaudible vibration of a train miles away, and it’s not getting softer."

This clown is writing about football, at least purportedly. And yet it sounds like he is writing a folk song, right off the bat. You know it's gonna be good with a lead-in like this.

"Football season is back upon us, and it almost seems surreal as we swelter in one hundred degree heat to think about fully padded behemoths pushing around on each other on moist ovens of green."

Jesus. This could be the worst sentence ever written, and the final clause represents the most horrifyingly gay imagery ever affixed to football. "Fully padded behemoths pushing around on each other"? "Moist ovens of green"??? This guy aims for the elocution of Bart Giamatti's memoirs and comes back sounding like...well, an idiot on a Razorback fan site.

"So as we wipe our slate clean regarding records and stats, let us also wipe away the moniker of hugger or hater. They should leave the vernacular forever. We can stand together yet again and follow the Razorbacks without talk of coaching change. Instead, let us allow grace to replace vitriol and begin this era of healing and hope."

And what would this whole missive be without a not-so-subtle tribute to Barack Obama? Maybe he thinks the Democratic presidential nominee will consider hiring him a speechwriter if he beats the drum of optimism in such a treacly manner.

"The 2008 football season is upon us. I will enjoy watching it with you all."

A good writer is supposed to know his audience. When your audience is Hogville, you should leave your observations as brief and uncomplicated as possible, lest you cause synaptic misfires. So this would've been a really good sentiment...as an entire article. Instead, it's nothing more than the capper on an effing essay.

Hey, trust us on this one--Lanny knows that brevity works. All of his post are between six and eight words long, because that's literally all he can handle. And we applaud him for being cognizant of that limitation.

Smarter out...

Dusting off the cobwebs

We've been busy for a bit, and so what was intended to be a mere vacation turned into full-blown hiatus. But, luckily, Hogville is still running strong (or weak, to be frank), and in the past few months, a new champion of the Red-Blooded American Retard has emerged, so we return today to supply our crack analysis.

The man is known merely, and innocuously, as "MuskogeeHogFan." All this would lead you to conclude is that he hails from a dumper in Oklahoma, and that he is a backer of the most dysfunctional football program this side of Ann Arbor. Well, that, my friends, is like saying that Bob Dylan writes songs.

You see, "MuskogeeHogFan"--we're boldfacing his moniker from this point forward, because he warrants such treatment--is a busy beaver. He pores over stats and comes up with shocking, mind-bending conclusions. We won't bother (yet) to cite actual post, but you can see them for yourselves on Hogville.net, and you will learn much. For instance, you might read a five-paragraph detail on Casey Dick, and how MuskogeeHogFan, using Louisville passing statistics from 2003 to 2006, thinks that the three-year letterman, oft criticized by Hog fans, will throw for exactly 2,841 yards and 24 TDs this fall. Or you might learn that Bobby Petrino really will run the ball 43.9% of offensive snaps, and so Michael Smith and Brandon Barnett will each carry the ball at least 150 times this season and will produce roughly 93.7 rushing yards per game.

It would be enough if "MuskogeeHogFan" stopped at this point, but at the end of all his post (remember, in Lanny's honor, we use his signature, hybrid singular-plural form of that word), he gives the perfunctory, "Comments? Thoughts?" inquiry. Then, when the remainder of Hogville stays silent and/or dumbfounded for the next 15 minutes or so, "MuskogeeHogFan" will display unfettered frustration at the lack of replies. He will cajole his colleagues, "C'mon, guys, it's all in fun? Why no responses?" Then somebody will timidly come along and say, of course, that "MuskogeeHogFan" is a crack researcher, his stat-regurgitating ability is primo, and +1s shall be doled out with childlike enthusiasm.

Now, mind you, not everyone thinks that "MuskogeeHogFan" deserves high praise for his exhaustive efforts. Let's say that you don't care for his prediction that Arkansas will win eight games this fall, or that you object to his contention that London Crawford will expose SEC defensive backs this year to the tune of a league record for Yards After Catch. You might note this, and you will be scorned, because "MuskogeeHogFan" is not some dumb Okie from Muskogee. He's a real man, and he bleeds real blood. And when you question his stat-crunching, you are in for one of these stock responses: "Why do you disagree?" "Do you not think that we will throw more?" "It's a shame you have to resort to such replies." "You are too sensitive." "It's all in good fun, but I disagree with you, because my stats rock, and you are a dickface." So on and so forth.

Shortly, we will be publishing some good samples of "MuskogeeHogFan"'s Greatest Hits, but in the meantime, know that we are very pleased that this doddering gimp has given us a proper avenue by which we can return Smarter Hogville to its former glory.

"Lanny Kalikimaka is the thing to say on a bright Hawaiian Christmas..."

It wouldn't be a Hogville holiday without some uncanny profundity from the media mogul himself, would it?

Topic: Merry Christmas

Quote from hSv:

Have a good day and spend time with your family

Smarter Hogville Analysis: You know how everyone derides the notion that Houston Nutt "does more with less"? Let's face it, the adage is misplaced--nobody says more with less than Lanny Beavers. In a mere ten words, he communicates to his band of GED-holding, rabble-rousing gimps that he, in spite of his lofty stature and the riches it entails (by "riches" we, of course, mean that he has more denim than anybody in the southern states), can still be a jolly soul.

And we love that "spend time with your family" comment. It should read: "Log off for a few hours and go hang out with real people, then once that gets stale, come back to Hogville and make pithy post with the rest of the dork army."

The wrath of the book report king

http://www.hogville.net/yabbse/index.php?topic=193599.0

Posted by 007 License To Squeal
In case you have forgotten, Nutt, after 10 years gave us zero SEC titles, zero BCS bowls, zero wins against Florida or Georgia. He lost the highest rated Quarterback to ever come out of the state(and I don't mean DMAC). He lost one the best Offensive minds in the nation. Houston Nutt was the most divisive figure ever in Razorback sports. Even with the best running back combination in the NCAA, he lost 4 games. He never developed a true Quarterback. Nutt was very medioce. in my opinion, Nutt is not the coach who could ever take us to a National Championship. Nutt was caught in many lies over his career at Arkansas. The fans deserved better than Nutt.

Smarter Hogville Analysis: Have I mentioned that I LOATHE Houston Nutt?

Being "very mediocre" is like being "extremely moderate" or "highly average." Come to think of it, that might describe Nutt to a T.

But, really, every sentence in that post is a (dumber) Hogville cliché. It reads like a fourth-grade book report. ("Norway is a country in Europe. The people who live there eat fish. They speak Norwegian. Most of them are blonde headed.")

Now sit back and watch the +1s roll in for this dreck. It's embarrassing.

The Museum of Discovery

http://www.hogville.net/yabbse/index.php?topic=193492.0

In this thread, the folks at (Dumbass) Hogville think they've figured it out. By jove, they've got it! arkanscott asks:

"Any idea about "smarter" hogville? It seems to be a board dedicated to making fun of this board. Who is this guy, and where does he get off?"

Here's what we'll disclose:

(1) Not a "guy."
(2) No "get[ting] off" (though there's no doubt we enjoy the hell out of the very minimal challenge of finding idiotic musings and blasting the authors)
(3) The fact that it only "seems" to be a "board dedicated to making fun of this board" is but one of the many cagey observations that you, too, can find on the Monday Morning Quarterbag every single day. In other news, the war in Iraq "seems" to have been a mistake, and Britney Spears "seems" to be a terminally ignorant whore.
(4) WE HATED NUTT, TOO. What slays us is that we get that dreaded "hugger" label for simply taking easy shots at the "hater" army and its denim-clad captain.
(5) The Ed Bethune/Booth Rand shit? Repetitive, unfunny, and badly misdirected. We're familiar with "Ed the UA Man" and his legacy. He doesn't contribute here and never has.

Smarter Hogville Analysis: In the spirit of the season, we offer a very special Smarter Hogville pop quiz, with a stack of Razorgasm's finest porn to the first correct respondent.

Here's something to think about...what is the most gay:

1. Hogville articles by nimrods.
2. The seriousness with which hSv post.
3. Wilson Hog laying down the law and telling people how it is.
4. The hogville inside sources threads.
5. The sheer stupidity of 98% of their posters.
6. Other: ____________________________________________

You get what you pay for

http://www.hogville.net/yabbse/index.php?topic=191975

Posted by Longhorn Lanny
I want to start with the Pay Boards Rivals and Scout. When Nutt left for Ole was a big day for Hogville but nothing like the coaching search we saw. One pay board retracted their position 5 times in less than a month! I ask you which of the sites have the insiders? You know our media presentation here and we will be bringing more for 2008 to get you guys the information.

Hogville was wrong too on the new coaching hires but how much did it cost you? Are the other boards worth paying $10.00 per month to read?

Hogville.net tries to keep the rumors in the proper forum but sometimes we miss. Let's enjoy this FREE Board and you let us know which sites are best.

Smarter Hogville Analysis: We are just as good as the other guys at giving you unsubstantiated and false rumors—and it doesn't cost you anything!

We'd like to point out that even though (dumber) Hogville is free, posting there does have its costs...namely, your self-respect.

It is nice, however, to see that Longhorn Lanny and His Mustachioed Marauders are on a first-name basis ("Nutt left for Ole") with the University of Mississippi.

Best post in years

(Hey, we are talking about Hogville, so the bar isn't too high, but...)

http://www.hogville.net/yabbse/index.php?topic=186927

WoW
Posted by Longhorn Lanny
Back to the drawing board.

Note: This is not the best post in years. This is:

Posted by 1FBL
I think the drawing board turned us down.

Hey, our hearts hurt, too. It's not fun being jilted. But it is fun watching (dumber) Hogville get jilted, because they brought it on themselves. The job is radioactive because of what the crazies did. Nice.

In a funk

(Dumber) Hogville's victory over the dark forces of Houston Nutt hasn't proven as sweet as they thought it would be. First came the news that Nutt was headed to Ole Miss--the embodiment of chutzpah as he grabbed $3.5 mil and ran down the road. Then we find out that Nutt is taking five assistants with him, but the Right Reverend was thoughtfully going to allow them to remain on the UA payroll through the bowl game, even as they began recruiting for Ole Miss right away.

They looked for consolation in the coaching search, so the Hogville faithful turned their eyes to the skies, watching for billionaires' private planes, delivering big-name coaches like Tommy Tuberville, Butch Davis, Lane Kiffin, and so forth to secret duck hunting enclaves in eastern Arkansas where the terms of the buyout and the new contract would be hammered out by cigar-chomping Powers That Be. One by one, these candidates announced the extensions they'd won from their current employers. Attention turned to less glamorous names, like Ron English (who?) and Tommy Bowden (ugh!)...and even Bowden got a raise and extension out of it.

So (dumber) Hogville is a pretty somber place right now. At least, the parts that aren't angry.

UPDATE: Once again, the Hogs "secure" a coach, this time Jim Grobe of Wake Forest, only to have him back out and stay put at the last minute. We are in the depths of despair.

Victory? or, Fart Amplification Gone Awry

http://www.hogville.net/yabbse/index.php?topic=179526

Posted by redbarn
hSv..........this is a good time to say thanks for letting us have Hogville as a outlet to express our opinions on Razorback Football. I firmly believe that without Hogville, Houston Nutt would still be the head coach but it has been proven now that the PTB heard us and acted accordingly. Without you and guys like Douglas, Hogapalooza, Wilson, etc. all we could do would be to mutter under our breaths while sitting at home. As to another note, Hogville will now be the dominating force in bringing the Razorback Nation back together. Over 27000 members have spoken because of you guys and to you and all the mods I say thank you.

In the third century B.C., the king of the Greek frontier of Epirus fought two great battles against the rising Romans, at Heraclea and Asculum. Though victorious, and though vastly more Roman soldiers were killed, Epirus suffered devastating casualties--particularly the loss of irreplaceable commanders and a far greater percentage of its available men. This situation led the king to remark, as reported by Plutarch, that "one more such victory will utterly undo me." The king's name was Pyrrhus, and to this date, a "pyrrhic victory" is one that causes the victor unsustainable losses. It is worth pointing out that there never was an Epirean Empire.

You don't have to be from Michigan to cry "Hail to the victors valiant," not in this case. We do think that Hogville had something to do with Nutt's departure, which we'll get to in a moment.

As happy as we are that Houston Nutt has finally resigned (or been fired, whichever), we would fail in our jobs if we didn't note, without equivocation, that the method by which he was ousted is the message-board equivalent of thermonuclear war. Let's review what things happened that have never happened before: Freedom of Information Act requests targeting the cell phone records of the head coach. "Fire Nutt" banners flown over home and away stadiums. Newspaper ads. The commissioning of opinion surveys in attempting to disprove the presumed popularity of the coach. A lawsuit against the Chancellor of the University that was based upon his alleged failure to follow NCAA guidelines. We count five big bells that can't be unrung.

When the next coach is announced, that coach will be met with opposition from some quarter. There is nobody who could be universally considered the ideal hire. Everyone has negatives, and everyone will be opposed by some faction--whether out of support for another candidate or the nihilist adrenaline of mindless opposition.

So Hogville's victory is a pyrrhic one. Our ability to replace Houston Nutt with a quality candidate has been damaged; only time will tell if the damage is irreparable. But our greatest loss is the loss of our will not to use every available tool in our arsenal to accomplish the goal at hand, to choose not to fight small injustices to avoid trivializing large ones. Hogville's activities give permission to every crank with a bone to pick to use these tactics--and worse ones--to ensure that he gets his way.

We have highlighted redbarn's post above to point out that there are unintended and devastating consequences to the actions of those behind this ouster. (Dumber) Hogville does not have the ability to unite the fan base, any more than it is the only place for fans to have a voice heard above a breathy mutter. Hogville has a lot of members, sure (we guess; 27,000 doesn't seem that many). It is the biggest, but it was not the first, nor was it even remotely close to being the first. It proves through a distinguished lack of quality that it is not the best. And above all, contrary to redbarn's assertion, it does not speak with unanimity even among its own membership.

A colleague of ours is fond of saying that opinions are like assholes--everybody has one, and they all stink. As a place formed for the sole purpose of the presentation of opinions, with few controls over quality, Hogville is simply not capable of uniting anyone. It can only exist as an agent of division. Its purpose is, at its core, fart amplification.

What will unite the fan base, what will bring Razorback Nation together, is the fact that we are on the cusp of a new era. Frank Broyles is retiring at last. Houston Nutt is gone. The Nolan Richardson era is receding fast into memory. Norm DeBriyn has retired, and John McDonnell will follow him soon enough. Those men leave a legacy of world-class faclities, of traditions of success, of pride in ourselves, of having built. Any objective observer, looking at where we were in 1997 and looking where we are today, will agree that Houston Nutt is among the giants of our Razorback history. He stumbled along the way; he became annoying and, eventually, intolerable. But we are better off for having had him. We don't think (dumber) Hogville would ever allow that to be admitted.

Now men like John White, Jeff Long, John Pelphrey, Dave Van Horn, and whoever replaces Nutt will pick up the reins. Their charge is to carry us upward to our full potential, to unite us, to quell dissent through the inevitability of greatness. They must see farther than others by standing on the shoulders of the giants who preceded them.

And it will be their actions that unite us--not those of pitiful Hogville, which in bringing down Nutt has caused us more expense, cost us more pride, and divided us more severely than we ever would have thought possible.

Hail, (dumber) Hogville! May you be consigned to the scrap heap of irrelevancy, in order to save what we love.